god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
