1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
