Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
