You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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