I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
