then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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