Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize