Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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