I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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