Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
