We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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