i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
