why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
