His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize