I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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