when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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