I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
