you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
