yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
