I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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