Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
