Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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