the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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