is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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