I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
