i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
