We're facebook friends in real life
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
