just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
