Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Two words: nipple clamps
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