Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
