Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
