I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
