If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
