He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
