There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
