One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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