I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
