Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
