How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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