Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
