Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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