Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
