How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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