A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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