My first STD was from a foam party
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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