Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
