I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
