OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
