My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
