When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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