Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
