He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
