Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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