she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
