My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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