All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
