There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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