So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What a dumb baby whore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
