Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
