i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
