I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love having hate sex.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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