I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
