capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
