I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
