Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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