So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Welp...herpes.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
