There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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