Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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