girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This baby is an asshole
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
