so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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