Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
