The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
