BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
