Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
