your thong is hanging out like whoa
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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