Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
