It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
